a big part of my life has been driven by my fear of disappointing those around me...which is good in a comforting way...but also bad in a frightening way...
take a look at my academic achievements...ever since secondary school...right up till now...i've been working hard solely on the fear of disappointing my mother...i know she doesn't say it out loud...but she's simply hopeless in hiding her high expectations of me...
n the fact that my mims (biochemistry) n fab (anatomy) supervisor also has high expectations of me doesn't really help much...which explains y i felt really bad today after barely passing my mock...
it's the same for dancesport...the main reason y i'm practising three hours everyday is because i don't want to disappoint shoko...who i think is a brilliant dancer...i always feel s if she would do so much better had she not been paired with me...
i still remember how bad i felt when i screwed up our waltz n quickstep routine during varsity trials...the thought of shoko not making the team because of me was completely unbearable when the coach called out the names of those who made it into team...
ah yes...that's another person i'm afraid to disappoint...our latin coach david...he's had high expectations of me ever since i started dancing in his class when i first got in cambridge...lol...it was the first thing i ever did here i think...n he's concentrated quite a bit on me ever since...
looking back on my life...piano...swimming...so much of it was determined by what other people expected of me...my piano teacher...swimming coach...which is fine for the time being...coz i've got nothing to lose n everything to gain...s i constantly push myself towards excellence...
but what happens when there's no one left?...what happens when there r no expectations for me to fulfil?...will i stumble into a pit of complacency?...left only with the memory of past achievements to haunt me?...
take a look at my academic achievements...ever since secondary school...right up till now...i've been working hard solely on the fear of disappointing my mother...i know she doesn't say it out loud...but she's simply hopeless in hiding her high expectations of me...
n the fact that my mims (biochemistry) n fab (anatomy) supervisor also has high expectations of me doesn't really help much...which explains y i felt really bad today after barely passing my mock...
it's the same for dancesport...the main reason y i'm practising three hours everyday is because i don't want to disappoint shoko...who i think is a brilliant dancer...i always feel s if she would do so much better had she not been paired with me...
i still remember how bad i felt when i screwed up our waltz n quickstep routine during varsity trials...the thought of shoko not making the team because of me was completely unbearable when the coach called out the names of those who made it into team...
ah yes...that's another person i'm afraid to disappoint...our latin coach david...he's had high expectations of me ever since i started dancing in his class when i first got in cambridge...lol...it was the first thing i ever did here i think...n he's concentrated quite a bit on me ever since...
looking back on my life...piano...swimming...so much of it was determined by what other people expected of me...my piano teacher...swimming coach...which is fine for the time being...coz i've got nothing to lose n everything to gain...s i constantly push myself towards excellence...
but what happens when there's no one left?...what happens when there r no expectations for me to fulfil?...will i stumble into a pit of complacency?...left only with the memory of past achievements to haunt me?...
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