You can't go back

You've changed so much.

We were the best of best friends. We'd play house on the school grounds every lunch break. We'd leave the house in the mornings and work the afternoons before coming back to the house for a nice quiet dinner together. We'd sleep in the same room although we never had any kids. I still wonder why. She was pretty and sweet and we were best friends. That was all I knew. And I was happy.

You've changed too.

With a smart tap of her thumb, she flicks the cigarette between her second and third fingers. And as she exhales the foul smoke, the unkempt locks of her bleached hair falls down around her shoulders.

Our conversation is shallow and meaningless. Like the ash which falls from her cigarette only to get lost in the sudden gusts of wind. Insignificant.

I was aching to hold her in my arms. But to do so would be to acknowledge the fact I already know so well. And yet, am trying so hard to deny.

Her boyfriend appears at her door from within the house. He wraps his arms around her fleshy waist and frenches her in front of me. I look away. Not out of disgust but out of a lack of anything else to do.

When they're done, I reach out my hand to shake theirs. I pause a little longer over hers, as if it could give us back the time that was stolen from us. I was disappointed.

I guess we've all changed.

I'd cry if I could but nothing comes. Not even a sob. I guess deep down inside, I was expecting it.

I wonder what happened to all the dreams we had? The hopes and dreams we shared. Where did they die and how did they die along the way?

All that is left now is a framed class photograph taken more than a decade ago. And this is how I will always remember her. Her warm brown hair tied behind her back as she sits so ever gracefully with her legs pressed together and slanted at an angle. As she sits, with her slender hands on her lap, smiling defiantly against the very essence of time that would change us forever.

It just shows. You can't go back. It won't be the same.

Melanie was right.