currently pleased with myself again

i'd better blog this before i forget...so the other day...yesterday actually...i volunteered at another access programme...this time for emmanuel's college...but this time...i get paid!...15 quid for roughly three hours!...plus free lunch!...woo hoo!!!

but knowing me...i wasn't in it for the money...i just like doing stuff like this...i really have no idea y though...i mean...i've given it some thought before...n it could simply b because i'm helping others...or because i like being out of doors...or even because i like being surrounded by children...but i'm side-tracking...

i was quite pleased when i was told that i would b chaperoning a group of 15 year olds...that meant i needn't bother with university applications, interviews n all the other stuffy topics i had to help out with when dealing with potential applicants...this time...it was simply university life in general...informal n fun.

n the thing about 15 year olds is that they're matured enough to think for themselves...which meant that i didn't have to look out for each n every one of them...n yet, they're not matured enough...which meant they still have their childish side...n i have to say...i certainly had tonnes of fun with the whole lot of them!

for once...in such a long time...i was myself!...the childish, mischievous n playful kid that i m...n it felt so good...just to let go of all my inhibitions...to break free from the shackles which had restrained me for far too long...n simply b free...it was the sweetest feeling...to b free.

we had completely pointless banter between us throughout the entire tour...we made fun of each other whenever we had the chance...we skipped all the way from christ's to king's parade...we leap-frogged over every single obstacle we came across...n we gave each other piggy-back rides...it was a good change for me...from a complete stiff to a carefree kid...

n all this i have to give thanks to james n sam...mischievous little imps...one was bad enough...but they just had to b twins...lol...they were the pride of the school...bright students who were also runners...n they were the coolest of their peers...extroverted n confident they were...talking n laughing loudly...cracking all the jokes...n getting me to do all those silly things...

i was already contented with the day's happenings by lunch time...but at the very end of it...they came up to me...n asked me for a picture n my autograph...flattering though it may b...i was much more touched when they each gave me a hug n thanked me for being such n inspiration to them...they vowed to work really hard in order to achieve greater heights n hopefully b able to study here at cambridge...n i remember being completely speechless at that very moment...

i'm glad they left with so much more than what they had came here with...so much more than a picture s well...(i didn't give them my autograph because i felt it would b too overbearing of me to do so)...i'm glad that it might b a turning point in their lives...(they promised me 50% of their income when they become millionaires in six years time...n james promised to find the cure for cancer)

but what do i get out of it all...well...the picture of course...a reminder of who i truly m...n of what i truly like...s well s satisfaction...that i've actually made n impact on the lives of other people...oh n not forgetting 15 pounds!...yay!

primitive courting ritual?

i remember having a discussion with alex n nick on the way to dot's last saturday night...details of the conversation r somewhat blurred...due to the influence of alcohol on my memory...however...considering the fact that alex was there...it was undoubtedly about dance...

i do remember starting it though...i said that...in my opinion...dancing was a remnant of our primitive courting behaviours...it was followed by a lot of bollocks...on behalf of alex n the bottle of beer he had in his hand (he was drunk by the time we got to dot's)...n we got a lot about alpha males...n hitting on the male judges...n what not...but it did shorten our long walk to dot's...

but now that i'm sober...(or so i hope)...i would like to elaborate on my statement...let's take clubbing for example...even before leaving for the club...we dress ourselves up in the best of our clothes in order to show off our assets...we make ourselves up n do up our hair in the attempt to look absolutely attractive on the dancefloor...rather similar to birds such s the peacock who display their colourful plummages isn't it?...

once we're on the dancefloor...we begin a complex dance to pull the hot stud from all the way across the floor...the dance involves creating sensual shapes with our bodies to attract attention...it involves complicated steps which subtly lead us to the target...n if everything goes according to plan...it all ends with two convoluted bodies gyrating against each other n sinuous hands feeling each other all around in the heat of lust...all very akin to certain birds that perform extravagant dances to attract n court their mate i have to say...

hmm...looks like evolution may have some truth in it after all...lol

m way too drunk...

another brilliant night out!...so before i turn in...n wake up hours later with a complete hangover...i shall pen down a few words in order to retain whatever memories i have left later on...

1. alex tried to pull this hot russian guy...who apparently didn't look too good up close...bad skin n crooked teeth...but due to his drunken stupor...he was willing to overlook it...so with my help...he tried to snag him...which was a rather hilarious attempt...i had to push alex towards the guy coz he was so reluctant to go talk to him...n while when we were on the dancefloor...i had to lead alex right up to the guy n give him a small shove in that direction so he could show his moves off to him...the fact that it ended in failure made it even more amusing...oh well...he wasn't that good a dancer anyway...

2. after mr russian guy...alex asked me if there was anyone there i'd pull...n me being completely drunk...pointed to this cute guy who was dressed rather smartly...n alex commented on the fact that he looked like a nine year old kid...(so what if i like the boyish type?)...anyways...alex cajoled me to speak to him...n when i was reluctant to do so...he dragged me all the way to him...n started introducing the both of us to sam (or so he is named)...sadly though...he was straight...which gave us quite a good laugh...coz i've always joked that the guys i fall for r either straight or unavailable...sam was rather open about it though...n i actually thought he was rather nice...(not to mention matured for his looks...lol)

3. on our way to the club...i had a discussion with alex about the lack of a fixed dance for gay men...i mean...u c female couples competing in the beginner's modern n latin ballroom competitions...but no male couples...n it was rather sad that society has placed such a negative outlook on males dancing together...with that in mind...n the fact that we spent four hours on the dancefloor...alex n i came up with the gyro...a non-discriminatory dance for all sexual orientations...we've already fixed the basic gyro steps...including the forward/backward gyro, the side gyro n the gyro rolls...lol...we also came up with the bend over, double bend over n shadow bend over...s well s the homage...all very entertaining...lol

4. finally...must immortalize the drunken state i'm in...or was in...a full pint of beer...a double vodka with red bull...a tequila shot...n a bottle of smirnoff ice...that's the most i've ever had so far...not to mention the fact that i was having a drinking competition with alex...so we practically downed all our drinks...(although i have to say that i wasn't very far behind...n my tolerance has gone up considerably)...but i couldn't keep my balance...n the only way i could do so was to keep on dancing n moving so s not to lose balance...urgh...also felt a few urges to let up for the first hour or so on the dancefloor...but it's alright now after a few glasses of water...courtesy of alex...now i'm actually rather sober (although i hope it's not the alcohol speaking right now)...but lots of water should make me feel alright later on...hope i don't get a hangover...although it'd give me a reason not to work... :P

overall...it was another great night out...following the one at dot's...but alex is really fun to club with...he's not only a great dancer (which justifies the fact that he's beginner's dancesport team captain)...but he's also a great sport!...n the fact that we're good friends (s well s him being my captain) makes it impossible for the both of us to fall for each other...so it's fun n dance all the way...woo hoo!

reminder to self: dancing three step turns n spirals all the way to life while being drunk n completely off balance is NOT a good idea...trust alex to come up with something like that...

inferiority complex?

so...barely two days ago...friday...i volunteered at n access programme...for potential university applicants...which involved the usual...answer questions...give advices...organize tours...rather fulfilling i found it to b...

that evening itself...i asked a friend over dinner...y he did not volunteer...being the confident person i know...n he answered nonchalantly..."inferiority complex"...to which i replied..."bollocks!"...aren't we just as good or even better than they r?...

so...barely a few hours ago...alex called me out to a big monthly clubbing scene...one word: fantastic!...alcohol was just right...music was perfect...but dance was at its peak...it was n unforgettable night out...

one regret though...in the midst of my moves...i caught the eye of n adonis!...s if chiselled right out of a greek vase...complete with blue eyes...n yet...i let the moment between us pass...alex noticed me checking him out constantly n told me to make my move...to which i replied nonchalantly..."nah"...

so he went up to him...n struck up a conversation with ease...leaving me in my dance with Envy...n it wasn't until the wee hours of the morning...when it was all over...did alex reveal the conversation he had with Joe (or so he was called):

i told him you thought he was hot!...n he said..."well...he's an amazing dancer!"...so i told him that u were too shy to meet him...n he said..."well...he's got to work on his self-esteem"...

inferiority complex?

Kreuzige, kreuzige!

the elaborately ornamented beams of the ceiling loomed far above...s the orchestra began to accompany the choir...the interweaving melodies of bach's st john passion cascade along the wooden panels..."Kreuzige, kreuzige!"...the stained great windows shake...while the stars above shiver...