expectations n disappointments...

a big part of my life has been driven by my fear of disappointing those around me...which is good in a comforting way...but also bad in a frightening way...

take a look at my academic achievements...ever since secondary school...right up till now...i've been working hard solely on the fear of disappointing my mother...i know she doesn't say it out loud...but she's simply hopeless in hiding her high expectations of me...

n the fact that my mims (biochemistry) n fab (anatomy) supervisor also has high expectations of me doesn't really help much...which explains y i felt really bad today after barely passing my mock...

it's the same for dancesport...the main reason y i'm practising three hours everyday is because i don't want to disappoint shoko...who i think is a brilliant dancer...i always feel s if she would do so much better had she not been paired with me...

i still remember how bad i felt when i screwed up our waltz n quickstep routine during varsity trials...the thought of shoko not making the team because of me was completely unbearable when the coach called out the names of those who made it into team...

ah yes...that's another person i'm afraid to disappoint...our latin coach david...he's had high expectations of me ever since i started dancing in his class when i first got in cambridge...lol...it was the first thing i ever did here i think...n he's concentrated quite a bit on me ever since...

looking back on my life...piano...swimming...so much of it was determined by what other people expected of me...my piano teacher...swimming coach...which is fine for the time being...coz i've got nothing to lose n everything to gain...s i constantly push myself towards excellence...

but what happens when there's no one left?...what happens when there r no expectations for me to fulfil?...will i stumble into a pit of complacency?...left only with the memory of past achievements to haunt me?...

england vs malaysia

so, after having spent almost a year here, i noticed that there r certain things which r better in england than in malaysia:

1. dairy products (from pure butter to sinful cheesecake...mmm...*drools)
2. cereals (i've gotten addicted to them!...there's n infinite variety here)

likewise, there r certain things which r better in malaysia than in england:

1. popcorn (m missing gsc's caramel popcorn...they don't have it here...shocking!)
2. advertisements (my god! u don't want to know how utterly ridiculous they r over here!)

of course, when you're comparing, u try to do so on the same criteria...so the fact that we normally have nasi lemak or roti canai for breakfast instead of cereals is completely irrelevant...nor the fact that we have kaya instead of butter...

the main point is, certain things which can b found in both countries differ from each other...one being better than the other...

obviously, this is but the tip of the iceberg...there r many things which differ between the two countries n i could go on n on forever...the above are just a few particular ones that i m persnickety about...

sigh...after having travelled this far...u realize that it's all the same...the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence...not even when it's halfway around the globe...