i'll search for u (part II)

i promised to search for u...i did...n i found u...i met u...in my dreams...again...

y didn't u tell me your name?...y did u sacrifice yourself for someone else whom u barely even know?...y did i cry for u?...n y did u leave me when i woke in the morning?...

y r u the person i've always dreamt of n so much more?...y r u so perfect?...y r u so compatible with me?...y r u so friendly with me?...do u know me?...

y did u appear in my dream at the first time?...y did u appear in my dream the second time?....will i meet u here?...in this real world?...since i've dreamt of u twice?...ppl say that when u dream a dream more than once...it's bound to come true...

i can't even remember how u look...please don't leave me...let me search for u again...n let me find u again...there's so much i want to know of u...so much to ask of u...but most of all...let me spend time with u...even if it's in a dream...

sad vs happy

a friend of mine asked me...how come most of my entries express negative emotions?...how come i've never wrote about a positive experience?...is it because i've never had one?...

hmm...good question...worthy of putting my thinking cap on...n getting those rusty gears in my brain rolling...well i've taken a look at my blog...n inspected past entries...n i have to say...that i agree wholeheartedly...n after much thought...i've formulated two explanations...voila:

numero uno...y do we all keep a blog?...well i don't know about u...but i blog to materialize my thoughts...channel my feelings...n express my emotions...now let's say if i'm happy...well i'd express it there n then...wouldn't i?...but let's say i'm sad or angry...could i express it there n then?...i don't think so...

so basically...this has something to do with propriety n decorum...social acceptance...people don't really like to b near u when u're sad or angry...but they'll flock to u when u're high n happy...so if u want to b accepted by people around u...then u'd better watch that temper...but u can't just let it all bottle up inside u...so what r u going to do?...blog, of course...anyway, aren't we suppose to channel our negative emotions positively?

however...i think that this second hypothesis is the right one...now i believe that a person feels more down than up...no, not in terms of quantity...but quality...in other words...negative emotions affect people much greater than positive emotions...sadness vs happiness...anger vs forgiveness...despair vs hope...the former always tend to move us in much greater ways than the latter...now don't go telling me that man wouldn't have landed on the moon if not for love...coz troy was burned not because of love but because of jealousy n lust...(n i can present many more arguments on this...trust me)

don't get me wrong...i'm not saying that we're not affected by positive feelings...it's just that...it takes a greater magnitude of positive feelings to move us at a specified degree compared to negative emotions...n referring back to number one...if u want to b accepted by society...yadda yadda yadda...blah blah blah...etc etc etc...

n that is y most of my entries...if not all...r based on negative experiences...not because i don't go through positive ones...but because i seldom encounter a positive experience great or powerful enough to move me to blog about it...compared to the many tiny insignificant negative encounters...i mean think about it...would someone blog about finding their soulmates...or about their breakups?...obviously their breakups...who's waste time blogging about finding their lover rather than spending precious time with them huh?

so here's hoping...that in the future...near future preferably...i'll encounter a really strong positive experience that'll so move me to blog about it...that i'll break the record length of my blog entries so far...wish me luck!

i'm no doctor material

ever since i started considering medicine as a career...it has always been my dream to work under relief aids...or any humanitarian organizations...such as the united nations or red cross...

i love to travel...n working under these organizations will present me with that opportunity...to serve in war-torn countries...or disaster-strucked countries...

besides that...it also provides me with the constant adrenaline rush that i feed on...since i'll b putting my life on the line...wrestle with danger...n stare death in the eye...24/7 while on duty...

but upon watching the two movies...beyond borders (starring angelina jolie)...n out of the ashes (starring christine lahti)...n i finally realized...that doctors do get killed...especially in war-torn countries...

n that got me thinking...what if i had to choose between the life of my patient n that of my own?...would i sacrifice my own life to save my patient?...n if i were caught between a life-n-death situation...would i forsake the hippocratic oath in order to save my own skin?...

i could easily say now that i'll certainly place the lives n safety of my patients first before mine...but when it comes to the crunch...will i not end up as a mere hypocrite (knowing how much i dislike that)...will i not place a greater importance on my own survival in the end?...

but i can't also b to sure of that...i might change in the future...in medical school...my thoughts n actions...n i might lay down my life to save that of my patients...(no i'm not trying to b heroic)...but the thing is...i can't deny this possibility from happening...

so instead of deciding now...let's just say that i can't c into the future...n it's this aspect of the future that frightens me...(i'm only human anyway)...not knowing whether i'll make a good doctor...n serve humanity...

all i can do now...is hope n pray...that i'll never have to encounter such a decision that i must make...as christine would put it...a "choiceless choice"...but if God wills it to b...that i do encounter such a choice...then i pray that when that time comes...i'll b able to make the right decision...do the right thing...not only as a doctor...but also as one of mankind...n as a child of God

discrimination makes us human?!

looking back on some of my recent posts...i've come to realize that they were nothing but empty vessels making a lot of noise...superficial n insignificant...so for a change...here's some food for thought:

i'm a hypocrite...n that's saying something...since i don't like hypocrites...i don't like to b one...n i don't like to b called one...in my entry entitled 'same in being different'...i enthusiastically condemned any act of discrimination...

however...i came to realize that...discrimination defines our civilization...discrimination makes us human...shocking huh?...y do i say so?...or what brought me to make that conclusion?...

well...i was just thinking...what's the difference between a vegetarian n me?...our preference of food of course...hence i advocated...don't discriminate!...but then i thought...what's the difference between a cannibal n me?...surely food preference too...i mean hey!...just substitute chicken drumstick with human thigh right?...no discrimination there...

what?!...m i mad?!...human thigh?!...ugh!...no matter how i look at it...i can't help thinking that when i do encouter a cannibal on the streets...i'll quickly cross the road to the opposite side...n that's y i call myself a hypocrite...loathe though i may b to do so...

but which human in their right mind would allow cannibals to roam the streets of our towns n cities?...while children play in their front gardens...while couples take a stroll in the park...while the elderly enjoy their evening walk around the neighbourhood...

so doesn't discrimination is this case define us as a civilized human?...doesn't it put a line n say this is allowed n that isn't...but then again...wasn't homosexuality a big no-no back in those days...n if it is slowly gaining acceptance in today's modern society...could it happen to cannibalism?...

so how?...can anyone help me solve this enigma?...

i'll search for u...

this entry serves as a memorial...in honour of the courageous, selfless and dashing guy i met...in the best nightmare of my life so far...

they say tht when u dream a dream twice...it comes true...well...this nightmare in particular has been recurring very frequently...even if it doens't come true...i hope i'll dream it again...maybe then...i might b able to change the course of things... :

after having passed our navigation tests...my team mates n i were ordered to destroy n enemy's base...n ancient ruinous structure the size of the Great Pyramid of Giza...n the shape of n Aztec sacrificial temple...

we landed upon the roof...in the cover of darkness...n infiltrated the structure from the roof...to the topmost level...

after having disarmed the heavy artillery embedded in the walls...n taken on the stone guardians hidden in deep recesses of the walls...did i realize tht i had lost my team mates...where had they gone?...what had become of them?...yet...i had to stay true to my mission...my sense of loyalty would not allow me to even mourn for them...let alone seek n avenge them...

remembering my mission...i dislodged the wooden beams tht astonishingly supported the massive stone roof with my own bare hands...upon displacing the last beam...the roof rumbled n began to slowly collapse in on itself...onyl then did i finally realize my own peril n folly...

i searched for a way down to the lower levels below along the ledges of the surrounding walls...before i found it...n opening on to the ledge below it...

tht was when i met u...both of us in the same predicament...but u were s cool s can b...u told me to follow u...n we jumped onto the ledge below...

s we ran along the ledge...u told me tht there was no other way to the ledges below...the only way down was a sort of mechanical contraption...suspended in the center of the structure...u said tht it would lead us to the bottom...n i said...lead on...

we activated the machinery together at each level...bringing us a level down at a time...i thought tht we would reach the bottom in time...safe...but i was wrong...

after only dropping three levels...we fell into a steel cage...we could c the rough sea directly below us...a long way down...this was it...the final test...

we activated the contraption in unison...silently...not uttering a single sound or word to each other...we did it...n a trapdoor in the middle of the cage floor...dropped open into the black void ...to a sheer drop into the sea below...

u did the math...but kept silent...i looked into your eyes...n saw only death...u told me tht the drop might kill us...u weren't sure...but there was a possibility...the height was too great...

we hesitated...but when the structure graoned heavily...i decided to do something...i told u to hold on to my feet while i held on to the metal bars of the trapdoor...dangling above the surface of the sea...in order to reduce the distance of the fall by at least a body length for him...

the height made my head spin...i felt my strength drain away from my hands...before finally letting go of the metal bars...as we fell...i had a premonition...the horror...a scream...before...

i woke up to a gloomy n dark morning...

i do not know your name...or whence u came from...or how u ended up there...or y...but i'll definitely search for u again...in my nightmares...in the hopes tht we might meet again...n i'll finally change the way things turned out...to how it's supposed to b...

same in being different

warning!* if u feel offended by the issue of discrimination...pls do not read any further...due to my lack of vocabulary...i could not find any politically correct words to describe the differences in humans...for my cause...i would like to state that i condemn any form of discrimination...n i mean any form...i believe that the differences in humans should never be distinguished by words such as blacks, homosexuals or vegetarians...but in order to convey my message effectively...i had no other choice...therefore...begging your pardon...n asking for your forgiveness...voila:

i've just downloaded and watched madonna's 'american pie' music video...(yeah yeah...i noe...i'm a big fan of madonna)...the music video basically features madonna with her usual antics in front of a large american flag backdrop...and short clips of american citizens in front of american flags flashing in n out at intervals...

but what got me thinking...was the fact that...there's really not much difference between americans n malaysians...just like us...they too have a diverse race of people...instead of malays, chinese, indians and kadazans...they have blacks n whites...blue and white collar labourers...hippies and punks...beauty queens n nerds...armed personnel n immigrants...as well as...jocks n cheeleaders...

i'm not saying that these types of people r not found among malaysians...it's just that...we malaysians pride ourselves on the fact that we're the only multi-racial country...consisting of three major races...the malays, chinese and indians...as well as the natives...that's peaceful n united...we brag that our country achieved independence without blood shed through the unity of the three main races...each sacrificing some of their rights n compromising others for the sake of their country's independence...

but what we fail to realize is the fact that...other countries too...experience a multitude of human differences...skin colour...religion...sexual preference...food preference etc etc...each group being discriminated against by another...each group trying to protect and claim their rights for equality...

so basically...there's nothing different between all of us...there's no need to differentiate between homosexuals n heterosexuals...just like there's no need to distinguish between pale skinned people and dark skined people...and even orange skinned people for that matter...

we're all united in our differences!

people r so fucking screwed up!!!

many times before...have i asked myself...would it be better to act at the centre of the stage in the spotlight...or hide behind the curtains amidst the shadows?

to shine in the spotlight would give me the opportunity to make a difference in this world...make it a better place...to speak out for what i strongly believe in...to protect everything which i think is right...to revel in the spotlight would provide me the chance to to something for humanity...to aid their cause...n finally, inspire others to do the same...

but to stay in the spotlight would also attract the attention of other people...n with them...a barrage of human characteristics...jealousy...hypocrites...opportunists...back stabbers...n some will have high expectations...to do great things...to succeed...

but to slink amidst the shadows would release me of these high expectations...allowing me to live a simple yet fulfilling life...living only for myself...n not for others...taking each day one step at a time...n experiencing my life to its fullest...

but to skunk in the darkness would also mean sacrificing everything that i uphold...my principles...it would mean not having to speak out against everything that i though is wrong...n allow the world to do as it liked...suffering...death...

yesterday's recent spate of events left me shattered...my principles have been jeopardized...n all because of staying in the spotlight...had i not done so...things would have turned out differently...i would not be feeling so bad right now...i would not hate myself right now or my conscience...n i would not hate everyone in this fucked up world for being so screwed up...

so now...i'm going to change...i shall no longer be at the center of attraction...but i shall fade into obscurity...let the everyone have high expectations of another...let that person live with the high expectations placed on him...n sacrifice his own principles...but give me back my simple life...with my principles that i hold on to firmly...although i condemn myself to oblivion.

people...we're all related

u know what?...everytime i look at people...either my relatives, friends or anyone for that matter...i keep seeing other people in them...don't get it?...well, let me put it this way...everytime i look at someone...he or she will remind me of another person that i know of...it's either the face, speech, behaviour or the person itself...

let's take a few examples...ok let's start with my classmates...first, azam looks (malay) like b (chinese)...(don't worry, i'm not a racist...i'll explain the race later)...they both share that blur look...that half-asleep look...n they're both nocturnal in nature...second, goh looks n acts like heng liang...both look similar on the outside as well as the inside...they both have that studious look n r both extremely brilliant...there's more n in every case...the similarities are uncanny...i won't list all of them however, coz it'll b boring...

but that's beside the point...the thing that interests me is this:...if different ppl...with different races (told u i'd explain it), different families or even different locations (e.g. states, countries, continents)...could look n behave alike...or at least have even the tiniest littlest smallest similarity...this would mean that we're all related one way or another...no matter how distant...in other words...we could say that we r descended from the same parents...the first man n woman...namely Adam n Eve...cool huh?...

p.s. i don't think that evolution could b used to explain this phenomenon...coz then we'd have ppl who have gills or scales or wings for that matter...anywayz...i don't believe in evolution...lol...so there...

"You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve and that's proud enough to lift the head of the lowest beggar and yet, humble enough to bow the head of the highest king."

- Aslan -
- Prince Caspian -
- The Chronicles of Narnia -
- C. S. Lewis-

olympic flame

the swimming events for the olympics r over...it's the talk of the town...they're either talking about it or blogging about it...so here's my two cents worth of what i think...

watching swimmers participate in the olympics has brought back bitter sweet memories of the times when i myself was training as a competitive swimmer...there's so much that i miss about it...

i miss the tough training sessions that i had to go undergo every single day...i miss facing n challenging the obstacles in my path as i prepared for competitions...i miss exerting my body and mind to the limits...i miss pushing myself to see how far i could go or how long i could last...i miss the physical torment n the mental anguish that i experienced...i miss the cramps...the scoldings...the punishments...n i also miss the exhausting yet satisfactory feeling when i've my best and achieved my times...

i miss the pre-competition thrill n excitement...i miss the sleepless night just before the day of the competition...when i drown myself in my thoughts...when i think of my strokes and my entire training programme...when i tell myself how much i want to win, how hard i've trained n prepare myself mentally...

i miss competing in competitions itself...i miss the goosebumps that appear on my skin at the very thought of it...the way my heart beats erratically when i stretch myself just before a race...the way my blood pounds deafeningly through my ears as i take my place on the starting block...i miss the split-second pause when i take a deep breath just before the gun goes off...n the anxiety of the outcome of a 1500m race...

n when i swim...i miss the way it feels when the water flows smoothly over my body...the way i glide effortlessly through the water as if we were one...the water n i...

i miss the near-death-experience after touching the wall n finishing a race...i miss the stitches, the close-faints n the fatigue...the very desire of not doin anything...not moving...not breathing...not thinking...just giving up on life n dying at that exact spot...

but i also miss going up to the podium to receive my medal...n knowing that it was all worth it...the training...the hardwork...n the effort...

but most of all...i miss my swimmates...i miss spending time with them...whether it's when we complain together to the coach about how inhumane the programme is during training...or when we compete amongst ourselves in the spirit of good sportsmanship...shaking hands or hugging each other after a race...or when we just hang out at shopping complexes n chill after competitions...go for a movie...eat together...talk...laugh...fool around...

there's so just so much about competitive swimming that i can't even write all of it down here in my blog...the relay...the warm downs...the so much more...

i truly envy professional swimmers...for the very experiences that they go through...an entirely different...there was never any regrets in taking up competitive swimming...n i do sometimes regret giving it all up for the sake of my studies...but i guess...giving it up has made it all the more precious...i now treasure these memories with me...n i know that they'll never leave me...even after death taketh me...

look deep into my eyes...

those of you who are close friends of mine will notice that i like to study people...not so much their physical attributes...but what lies deep beneath their skin...their character...the very essence of their soul...

i like to see the way people react to their surroundings...how they react to the things around them...and why they act the way they do...

i like to see how they carry themselves around...how they interact and speak with other people...and most of all...how they think...

it's fascinating how the mind works...and there's no two people who think alike...imagine the infinite diversity of mankind!...

but there's one thing i've noticed just this afternoon...it is my believe...or hypothesis...or conjecture...or whatever...that a person's character...or confidence to be more exact...is portrayed in his or her stare...

this can be seen clearly when you stare straight into someone's eyes...until whichever party looks away...unable to bear the intense heat of the conflict...

it is in this respect that people differ...some can hold on to your stare for ages until you yourself can't bear the tension...but some turn away almost immediately after you look into their eyes...as if afraid of revealing what lies deep within themselves...

the way i logically deduce it is like this...people who can hold on to your stare, amplify it to greater magnitudes and return it have very high self-esteem...they boldly speak what's on their minds...and they stand up for what they believe in...they fear nothing in this world...nothing!...not even conflict...and they carry themselves properly with firm confident steps and eyes staring straight ahead to their future

but people who can't hold on to your stare have very low confidence levels...they speak timidly and are easily influenced by other people around them...they do not carry themselves well...always staring at the ground...or avoiding anyone else' stare...what are they afraid off?...what is it that they wish to hide from the world?...

but of course...many people will argue that it is rude to stare at a person and thus, polite people will naturally avoid my stare...thus, not because of low confidence...yeah...well...sad to say i don't really now how to answer back...

but the main question is...isn't the human character spellbinding?...there are so many things that we don't understand about it...and it makes me even more sure of a greater power in this world every time i make a new discovery...to think that we all come of the same two parents...Adam and Eve...but yet...our thoughts do not run parallel but in all directions...among the varied walks of life!

where to, miss?

having a driving license is overrated...the media associate a driving license with a sporty convertible surrounded by hot chicks...everything a guy could ask for...image and freedom!

the sad truth however...is far from its ideal...here in this country...a driving license is associated with the following:

1. watching out for drivers who think that their grandfathers own the road
2. getting stuck in traffic jams that move at a turtle's pace
3. looking out for motorcyclists who think that their uncles own the road
4. finding a parking spot in an area for hours
5. avoiding pedestrians who think that their fathers own the road
6. being an unpaid chauffeur to parents, siblings and friends all the time.

sigh...i guess there's no such thing as a free lunch...'where to, miss?'...

No War

just yesterday, i bought a t-shirt from tropicana life at midvalley...they really have some neat stuffs there...and this shirt was one of them...i really like what they sell there not because of their cool design and small cutting...but because of the really profound messages they carry...

take this shirt for example...it's white (colour of purity) in colour...on its front are the words NO WAR printed in big block letters in black with a splat of blood at the top left part of the shirt...just where the heart is.

the following words are printed on its back:

What's going on in this world? War - the hottest topic in today's society. Is this an indication of the end of the world or just the beginning of a horrifying episode.

War - an easy word to utter but what if it really happens to us? Imagine - can we still sleep peacefully at night or hang out with our friends for coffee and gossip? Can we still stay with out family for a scrumptious dinner and can we still make plans for the future? War destroys our basic needs, kills innocent victims and makes us feel the pain of losing our loved ones. There's only one daunting feeling during wartime: Hatred. The intruders hate us and in return, we hate them deep in our hearts. So, why war? Stop it!

What can we do as ordinary human beings? Although we may be physically small, our voices can be enormously loud. Stand out sturdily and muster up our courage, spirits, energy and souls to fight against war. Recently, at least ten million people protested around the world, marching down the streets at the largest anti-war rallies in history. The streets were filled with fuming anti-war protestors, squeezing in the crowd, shouting and screaming: Stop that Bloody Hell War! Hey! Do you hear what we're shouting about? No War! Hear that? No War!

The anti-war supporters' appearance and cooperation had conquered the earth - their lightning anti-war demonstration stressed to the people the weightiness and horrendousness of war. Their uproar of hatred against war had surmounted the Great Powers. They are here to help the weak, fragile and neglected innocents and to do them justice.

Stop killing the innocents, stop destroying our homes, stop torturing our lives, stop ruining our beautiful earth with annihilated buildings, stop turning our lively homeland to a desert, stop riddling our hearts with bullet holes, stop pouring innocent blood into our river, stop overflowing our cities with charred bodies and decaying bodies surrounded by many buzzing flies. Stop all these. Stop the war. We vote for No War. Let's Communicate.

Hatred is never end by hatred but by love. No War. Make Love.

the last line is printed in red whilst the rest in black....isn't it deep and profound?...and there's only one reason why we feel so strongly towards it: the amount of truth it professes...indeed, how can hang out with our friends for coffee and gossip?...doesn't it just hit the exact spot in our hearts?

and the part which really gets to me is the fact that we never dare to lift our voices to support all that we think is right...we probably think: who am i to say such things?...who am i to say what is right or wrong?...who am i to change to way things are done?...who am i to bring a better change to this world?...and it is a sad truth...that alone we can only do so much...but what we seldom realize...is that we're never alone...and together we can stand up for our believes...together we can make a change in this world!

that's the beauty of this shirt...it expresses all that we firmly believe in but are yet, too afraid of say it out...

cool shirt huh?

dvds, anyone?

just returned from my dance studio in petaling street...i wanted to refresh my memory on the steps of a few dances but i was a tad little too late and the class was already over...well, there's always next week...but once again, i'm digressing from the topic...

being situated in one of the shop houses along the middle of petaling street...going to the studio meant having to go through the infamous street itself...and i'm quite confident that no living person (be it a malaysian citizen or foreign tourist) staying in kl can say that they've never visited petaling street at all...so we pretty much have a good idea of its environment and atmosphere...a long road separated into two lanes by makeshift stalls lining both sides of each lane...sellers trying to promote their wares (be it fake jewellery, imitation brands or more popularly, pirated cds, vcds and dvds)...a throng of buyers looking for a good bargain...crowded...noisy...hot...humid...sweaty...u get the picture :D ...

anyway...being a kl-ian myself...i've been to petaling street many times to errr...how should i put it?...to support our country's economy and industry...errr especially the pirated industry :P ...and i've come to notice that the people selling pirated vcds and dvds never change...they're always the same people...youths around my age...give and take 2 or 3 years...sporting errr very creative hairstyles with daring colours...and wearing designer clothes with errr a very creative sense of fashion too (you wouldn't believe the sheer size and number of piercings on these people ;) )...and in addition to all this...they also equip themselves with the latest mobile phone model!

so me being me, i was doing some thinking (again)...and i realized that these people (who are about my age) really do get paid quite well...proof:

1. their hairstyles couldn't possibly be created by themselves or indian barbers...n i don't think that indian barbers do dye jobs either!
2. i've had a look at their clothes and i'm quite positive that they're not imitations...and some of their jewellery (earrings etc.) don't look fake-ish either
3. i'm not so sure about their mobile phones...but since no. 1 and 2 are correct...then we can deduce that no. 3 should also be correct...thus, their mobiles are also genuine!

i believe that without giving in to their buyer's unrelenting bargaining...these sellers can get a profit of more than 100%!...wow!...but it's not really the amount that matters...what really matters is the fact that these youngsters who are the same age as i am are already earning a living (although illegally)...while i'm busting my ass off studying as hard as i can to get a recognised degree which will get me a proper job (which might not pay that well, if i might add) that will earn me a legal salary (which i will have to spend on income tax)...is it just me or does something seem wrong here?

true...you might say that their job is more risky...but don't people always say that there will always be risks in business...and it's only the successful ones who are brave enough to face those risks?...and besides...i'm quite sure that they're not that dumb as to get caught by the authorities...they definitely have their own methods of safeguarding their errr businesses...anyway...they have their informers on standby...and they only display the movie covers now...while the goods are hidden somewhere close by...you could say that these people are professional entrepreneurs in their field!

or you could say that...their pay isn't that well off compared to the pay of a person with a legitimate degree...well...that i might have to agree...but don't you get the point?...it's not about the amount...it's the fact that they're already earning a living all by themselves while i'm still depending on my parents...they can already support themselves while i'm still subjected to the whims and fancies of my parents...and what if i'm not in it for the money?...what if all i want is just to live a simple life with just the basics (food, clothing and shelter)...get it over and done with...and die?...

and besides...it's a good job prospect if you think about it...plenty of outdoors...fresh air...chance to meet lots of interesting people from all around...compared to staying cooped up in some stuffy office and getting fat in the process.

oh well...like i said...i'm subjected to my parent's wishes...but it's an interesting thought though isn't it?...well...at least i know what i can do if i don't get my degree heheh :P !

what are you, friend?

maybe it's just a post-exam symptom...or maybe it's because i've too much free time on my hands this holidays (although it's only for a fortnight and i've my assignments to complete)...but i've been seeing a lot of my friends these past few days...they're everywhere!...at a restaurant, at a bookshop, in a shopping complex, walking down the street or driving along a road...everywhere!

i've ruled out the possibility of hallucinations...as i'm quite sure that other people notice their presence too...therefore, this leaves me with only two other possible rationales:

1. they really ARE my friends themselves, or
2. they're an almost exact replica of my friends.

out of the many times that this has happened...only a few are classified under the first category...for example, when i bumped into mei ling and yi chung in midvalley and managed to catch up on them...most of them however, are classified under the second category...for example, i saw a pretty good imitation of emilyn who's currently studying in australia...but i'm diverging from the subject...

because of this...i've been thinking a lot about them these past few days...what are they doing?...how are they doing?...stuffs like that...i've done so much thinking that i've come to the point of asking myself what friends truly are (yeah yeah...i know...i think too much :P ...that probably explains my white hair...heheh :D )

i was already in too deep to swim up to the surface...so after expanding much of my thoughts...i've come to the conclusion that friends are mere entities (not necessarily human or even real, for that matter) that we meet for a short span of time along our own path of life...who shape and mould our character...rationalise our actions and mature our thoughts...and basically make us grow as a human being...before leaving us just with memories of the times that we had shared together.

why do i say so?...well, think about it...how many of us can truly say that we have a life-long friend? (obviously not from the very day we were born, but at least ever since we gained a vague sense of consciousness and shrouded memory)...how many of us still remain close to our childhood friends and not just have their contacts stashed somewhere in our phonebooks or stored in our e-mail address list?...i've an uncountable number of friends...some having a positive effect on me whilst others having the opposite...some i still keep in touch with whilst others i don't...and some i've still retained their contacts whilst some i've lost...but i'll always cherish the memories that we had shared together...for sure.

if life can be allegorised to a hitchhike across europe from east to west...then friends can be likened to the people whom we thumb a ride from...each of us have our own destinations and our own modes of transport...but our journeys will somehow criss-cross...and the impact we make on each other depends on whether we decide to give each other a ride or not...we are just intersections of lines in the grand design created by God that is Life.

there's no doubt that we will meet and make new friends as we all travel along the path of life...and there's no doubt too that they will influence us...either in a good or bad way...and consequentially, those time will also be either happy or sad...but in the end, we will all move on with nothing but the bitter sweet memories that were to us left by our friends...but if that were the case...if i were to be true...then isn't life truly a lonely journey that we all undertake together?

yay! my first blog entry!

hey ppl!

as u can deduce from the title...this is my first blog entry so i'm kinda new to this...although i've been meaning to start one to record every aspect of my life...my thoughts n my feelings...

thought of designing my own blog at first but i was jus too lazy and i din have the time...what with my college work n all...anywayz...i'll try to update my blog frequently...hopefully once a week...when i get back from college during the weekends...

seeing that this is my first entry...i won't say much yet...hope that u'll bookmark this blog n return to it now n then...till then...take care n God blez...